You just made me feel so damn special
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
