Soap is not a condiment
just tell him i said nine months
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
