just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
