Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
