Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
