I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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