I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
