oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize