if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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