I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
