Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
