tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
