I smell stomach acid.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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