There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
