I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
