Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
