if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
