never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
