She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
