Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
