we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
