I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
