I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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