I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
