If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
