Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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