Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
