normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
