He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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