trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
