Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize