Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
