There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
