last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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