Do you still have your period?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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