We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
