you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
