i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
