i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
