So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just high enough for therapy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
