Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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