The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
