I CAN MOONWALK!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Farmville is her only friend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
