that's an acceptable place to lick
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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