she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I did not marry a roomba.
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