Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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