so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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