Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think my moral compass just broke
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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