Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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