She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
