dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
