tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize