More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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