Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
