well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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