Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
