I think my fart just growled at me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
