Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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