its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
