I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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