I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
