I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
