Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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