hotel room ftw
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
