I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
