I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
