I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize