Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
