Barsexuality is the new black.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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